Getting a Toddler Dressed in Winter: A Daily Negotiation
Every winter morning starts the same way.
I, a fully grown adult with logic, weather apps, and a functioning frontal lobe, attempt to dress a toddler — a tiny human powered entirely by vibes and strong opinions.
This is not a simple task.
This is diplomacy.
The Great Mitten Debate
First, the mittens.
Not any mittens — the mismatched ones.
One long one, One of Dad’s thin ones. Neither belonging to the same pair. Both absolutely mandatory.
I offer the thick, warm mittens designed specifically to protect small fingers from frostbite. These are rejected immediately.
“No. I want the these ones.”
The thin ones are basically decorative fabric. They are optimism shaped like mittens.
Ten minutes later, while standing outside in temperatures that would make penguins question their life choices, I hear:
“My hands are cold.”
Yes.
Yes, they are.
The Coat Is the Enemy
Next: the coat.
According to my toddler, coats are optional.
In fact, coats are suspicious. Why would I offer a warm winter coat when there’s a thin Spiderman fall coat somewhere.
I explain logically — that it is very cold outside.
“I don’t need it.”
I mention snow. Wind. Science.
“I’m not cold.”
Five seconds after stepping outside, wrapped in nothing but confidence:
“I’M FREEZING.”
The coat is then accepted — but only after lying face-down surrendering to the carpet.
Boots Are for People Who Don’t Run Fast
Boots?
Absolutely not.
Boots slow them down. Boots restrict movement. Boots are clearly a trap designed to stop sprinting directly into snowbanks.
Sneakers, however, are perfectly acceptable winter footwear. Especially the ones with holes, and maybe a bit too tight too.
When informed that snow will go inside the shoes, I’m met with a look that says, “That sounds like a future problem.”
“No I like these shoes!” I have to remind myself to hide them from circulation now that snow is staying here!
Hats Are Emotional, Not Practical
Hats are worn for exactly 12 seconds.
Then they are removed, tossed somewhere behind a couch, and declared “gone forever.”
When asked why they took it off:
“My head didn’t want it.” “It’s itchy, my head is hot”.
Fair enough.
The Final Outcome
By the time we are finally dressed, both of us are tired.
The toddler is wearing:
One mismatched mitten
A coat half-zipped
A hat hanging by one ear
Snow in places snow should not be
And I am standing there wondering how something that took three minutes before kids now requires snacks, negotiations, and a backup plan.
But here’s the thing.
Someday, I’ll miss this.
I’ll miss the stubborn independence. The mismatched mittens. The dramatic flops on the floor. The tiny voice insisting they know better than the weather.
For now though…
Please just wear the coat.
